Are You Putting Your Happiness on Hold? - Hayley Tapper Members

Are You Putting Your Happiness on Hold?


Are you putting your happiness on hold?

If you’re anything like me, you had big hopes and dreams for when you graduated from university. I spent most of my final year telling myself (in some form or other):

‘When I graduate, then I’ll feel like I’ve made it and I’ll be happy.’

I was putting my happiness on hold, telling myself that I just had to get through my degree, and then I would be happy once I had that piece of paper in my hot little hand.

And you know what? When I did walk across that stage, shake hands with the vice-chancellor and collect my degree, it felt pretty damn good. And, yes, I was happy.

But that happiness quickly took a back seat as soon as the next goal came along. Once I graduated, I was telling myself, ‘when I get my dream job, then I’ll feel like I’ve made it and I’ll be happy.’

I was stuck in a when-then happiness trap.

My happiness was always determined by some future goal or aspiration. And I told myself that when I achieved that goal, I would be happy, and my life would finally feel the way it should.

But the reason that this way of thinking is a trap, is that there is ALWAYS another goal to achieve, another target to make, essentially – there is always another condition on your happiness – so it’s always just out of reach.

Want to conquer your quarter life crisis?

(Of course you do!)

Are you stuck in the when-then happiness trap as well?

Think back five years. What were you doing? What when-then statements were you making?

Did you tell yourself:

'When I...

lose weight

finish my exams

land my dream job

save enough money to go traveling

meet a nice guy

...then I'll be happy'

Now consider where you are today. Have you achieved those ‘when’s’? Maybe you haven’t been able to tick every single one off your list, but consider the ones that you have achieved – did they bring you lasting happiness? Or did you find yourself (like me), putting off your happiness again by creating new when-then conditions on your happiness?

And if you continue to put off your happiness, where does that leave you right now?

If you’re saying yes, yes and yes to this: Girl, don’t worry, you’re not alone!

Here is what you can do: focus on the process instead. The process is the day-to-day, the hustle, or the things that you need to do to get where you’re going.

That’s not to say that you shouldn’t have goals and a visions for your life – you absolutely should! (What kind of a coach would I be if I didn’t advocate creating heart-centred goals, right?). So keep your eye on the prize, but focus you attention on the process of getting there.

Find joy in the process, celebrate it, and be happy in it.

Because it’s the process – the things that you have to do to get where you’re going – that ultimately make up your life. Achieving the goal is often fleeting. So enjoy the process.

Are you thinking, well great, that sounds easier said than done. I’m a very goal-orientated, future-focused kinda woman! How am I supposed to enjoy the process?’

Well then you and I are a lot alike!

That is why I have created a special online workshop for women like us who can’t help but to be shooting for the next big goal (but often get stuck in a when-then trap). Sign up for the workshop below to secure your spot on this FREE online workshop that will teach you the three most important things that you need to master if you want to conquer your quarter life crisis and live a life you truly love.

Clear your schedule, because this workshop is happening THIS Thursday the 29th September at 8PM AEST (that's Sydney/Melbourne time), and you won't want to miss out!

Want to conquer your quarter life crisis?

Girl, I hear you. That's why I've created a FREE online workshop just for you.


Click SIGN UP now to secure your spot. 

(It's FREE!)

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Showing 3 comments
  • Anne

    Hi Hayley! We flew a couple of times when you were still at Emirates. Just wanted to say that I love reading your blogs! I find myself so much in it so it’s really helpful! Thank you loads and all the best <3

    • Hayley Tapper

      Hi Anne! I loved our flights together 🙂 Thank you so much for your lovely comment! It makes me so happy to know that you are enjoying what I’m putting out! Hope you have some lovely destinations coming up xx

  • Anna Johnson-Hill

    Hi Hayley! I love the aesthetic of your site and thanks so much for sharing this post with us. It’s definitely important not to put your happiness on hold by enjoying the process. The process is where the magic happens and it’s meant to be enjoyed. Loads of love to you X

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